My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize