I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
