so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
