He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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