hotel room ftw
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
