We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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