my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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