So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
