my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
