I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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