Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
