I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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