I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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