...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
