I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
