he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
