things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
