Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
