cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
