I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
