i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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