I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
