I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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