I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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