So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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