My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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