I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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