If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
