I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
