theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
