I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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