Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
