I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
