I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
