Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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