No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
