That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
