Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
