Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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