Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was born a porn star she said
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
