I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
