He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
