I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
