Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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