So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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