You're my little dorito
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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