I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
