Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
