I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
