when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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