the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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