Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
