my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
