You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
