Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry about my life...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
