dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
