One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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