is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize