you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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