I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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