I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
