Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
