How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
