The maid of honor just puked.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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