Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
