when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
