I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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