There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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